Book Snippets

 Book Title: The Value Message

Below are snippets of text from: The Value Message. 

Dedication. This book is dedicated to you! Whoever and wherever you are! To anyone who is struggling with self-worth. To the person desperate for a shred of hope that you must have at least some value. LET THERE BE NO DOUBT!

Index: Scroll down to view.

Two Boxes. Excerpt from: The Value Message  1/25/22

Put those two boxes on the table, please! 

Let me take you on a guided visualization. Seriously, unless you are driving, take the time to close your eyes and visualize! Now just relax, as you close your eyes take a few seconds to breathe deep and get comfortable.


You are in a small room. Picture a small table with two boxes on top. A fireplace is warm and crackling in the corner. Focus on the two boxes. They are both strikingly different. The first one is called the "Value box". The other one is called the "Ego box".


The "Value box'' is very plain, about the size of a shoe box. No shipping labels, no Amazon logo and no colored packing tape. Every person has this same box, this box will never change. Your neighbor, your friend or your enemy, the box is the same. Take a deep breath, close those eyes and picture this clearly in your mind, embed it deeply somewhere so as to see it often. This box can’t be touched or seen with the eye but it can be felt and known. I will refer to this box many times.


The other box is much different from the “Value box”. The second box I call the “Ego box". This box is nothing like the “Value box". The “Ego box'' has lots of labels. This box is different for every person, no two “Ego boxes” have ever been alike. The sizes will vary and change. Unlike the “Value box”, our “Ego box” will never be the same for very long. When you are five or fifteen or fifty years old, this box will look very different. 


The Ego box can be damaged or destroyed and marred. It can be crushed, burned or run over, for sure it is fragile, we should be careful with this box. The Ego box is all about our external self, it’s everything about you that can be physically touched or seen. It’s our abilities and skill sets or lack thereof, it’s our appearance and maybe even our culture and choices. Your reputation is in this box. All the things you can learn and know are in this box. You can learn computer skills, plumbing, science, medical stuff, history, biology and a million other things. The worth and value of this box can change often according to the perception of ourselves or others. Kind of like the stock market, up and down but always volatile according to the “market”.


Always keep these boxes separate, this will get much easier in time. The more clearly we can see these two boxes separated, the less the “Ego box” will affect our “Value box”. Okay, got that image in your head? Go ahead, I’ll wait until you do. Yes it’s important.


This may seem quite elementary, you may be thinking “dude, let’s just get some crayons out and color us a picture”! You can use your own visualization if you would like. I’m just illustrating this so you can have an “image anchor”, as you become aware of how you perceive value.


The Value box is what I imagine when I ask people how they view their own value and that of other people. Often we confuse the commodity of our knowledge and skill sets (Ego box) with our actual value (Value box). These two boxes are very different. Be clear on this. Does this make sense?

Natalia. Excerpt from: The Value Message  2/8/22

Natalia

A young woman we know had a little girl several months ago. Natalia, what a sweetie. It’s this event that really inspired me to think of the value box illustration. It was like a little spark that kindled a larger fire. A day never goes by but what I don't think about this subject. The mother was so excited for her family and the simply incredible event of birth. Seeing a child born into this world is beyond words. Anyone who has witnessed this says “Rollie, shut up you just said it’s beyond words”! 


So I kept thinking about this ethereal event and a child's precious value. There is no question about the value and worth of little Natalia. Parents and grandparents know this drill. I thought about what my own children were teaching me about value. Would anyone imply that there is a question about a child's worth?


Then some gears began turning. When does this clarity of value change? When would her value be different? When she is a toddler? Or a struggling teen? Perhaps as a young woman having her own children? Oh, yeah maybe when she is a grandmotherly old lady. Would that be the time that her value, self worth and soul value could drop a little bit. Absolutely not! This little child’s value never changes.


Not long ago a friend of ours died. She was almost 105 years old. She was quite interesting and had lots of stories to tell. Not all of which had happy endings. She lost two of her three children. Both were elderly when they passed away. A loss that hurt more than we would know, but she took this with courage and grace. No matter her age, she had the heart of a mother. Her children were just as valuable the day they died as the day they were born.


If you have value that does not change, why have I not been aware of this? Why does it seem like I just became privy to this information? What disinformation have I accepted? What message have I been listening to about value and self-worth? Do I want to keep searching down this “rabbit hole” or just stay on the surface? 

The answers to these questions rattled my cage for a while. Worth and value. Culture and society. Our own minds. Truth. Lies. All of these things seemed all tangled together. Questions remain, yet what “untangled” for me was the separateness of the Value box and the Ego box as aforementioned. This somehow became the inspiration for this book.

You have a message. Excerpt from: The Value Message  2/23/22

You have a message. Listen for it.

You have a Message. Listen for it.


Messages have always drawn my attention. Earth and humanity emanate communication in so many forms. Even silence is a message and often a loud one. We even send a message when we are sleeping, it's probably just not reaching a lot of people. 


You send and receive hundreds of messages everyday and that's not including your cell phone. Your smile. Your frown. What you wear. What you eat. What you drink. What you say and how you say it. What you do. Wow, that list is exhausting but not at all complete. Let's face it, you are communicating every second of the day. I’m sure there is a science for “message sending”, it would be called "Messageology". Whatever it is, I'm all about it even if it's sort of a "nerdy" study. 


Observe messages that we and others send. Notice if they are directed at the Value box or Ego box. With practice this will become second nature to you, mostly because you are just a really cool person!


Let’s not forget the science of “message receiving”, this too is extremely noteworthy. The clearest, loudest message is of no significance if it falls on "deaf ears" Can you relate? Does anyone else find “messaging” an exhilarating study? Are you bored yet?


The message within the message! We are familiar with this sort of idea. Someone tells you something and by their tone or body language you know there is a louder message than what you hear with the ears. Advertisers are good at this, what ever they are selling is going to make you look better, feel better, happier and more attractive to the opposite sex. Mothers are professional grade too. Mom asks, “Don’t you think you should wear a coat? Don’t miss the message within the message, which is. “Get a coat on, sooner than later, thank you”.


Getting the wrong message.


What disturbs me greatly is the toxic message within the message when people are abused, physically, verbally or mentaly. The stinging, clinging message is: "You have no value. You are dirty. You are bad. You are not enough. You are worthless. You are a worthless object.” We know this list is long. The value message here is: Tragically there is no value message worth mentioning here. These messages are subtle but their effects are devastating. At a young age this can be especially confusing. 


"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me". 


That little rhyme is a test. Do you remember when you realized that words can hurt more than broken bones? Congratulations you passed the test. You now know, even though they are not tangible, words can be lethal. Move to the head of the class!


The crushing weight of loneliness, shame, humiliation and confusion that abuse perpetrates is just too heavy to bear. Don't do it! "Don't bear it alone"! Quanada's famous line. (Quanada is a domestic abuse prevention program servicing Quincy Illinois and surrounding area).


Loneliness. Shame. Humiliation. Depression, confusion and hurt. Ouch what a painful list that is. Does this describe you or someone you know? Is this your comfort zone? Is this the predominant message you have been listening to? Are you completely convinced that there is no hope at all? If this is you, in this book I have some really, really good news for you. 


If we do not feel like we have value, it's almost impossible to ignore this dreaded feeling. We can try to numb or hide our fear about this, but it will not go away. We will always be on the defense, behind the wall we have built. Terrified that someone will discover our filth, thus blanketing us with stifling shame. This feeling of dread is here to stay and will come out another day to "play" I say! Unless we begin to see our own value and love the “unlovable”, which is our own self. 


It is so paramount that we see and understand our value and worth. Forward motion depends on it. Forward motion does not depend on others seeing our value, that is simply a bonus. 

Shackleton. Excerpt from: The Value Message  03/10/22

Shackleton.


At the recommendation of a friend (thank you Chappell Phillips) I read a well known survival story of an expedition to the south pole in 1914. Titled: Endurance: Shackleton’s incredible voyage. 


NEWS FLASH! today 3/10/22 my brother sent me a text about the ship: Endurance. I'm not lying.  He just heard on the news that Ernest Shackleton's ship had just been found at the bottom of the Weddell Sea, near the Antarctic Peninsula, in relatively good condition.  I was ecstatic. Big, big news for me as this is one of my favorite stories. 


This book changed my life! My many instances of complaining and belly aching dropped off considerably. My meager instances of gratitude rose quite sharply. Any crown of perseverance that I have ever mustered up, I lay down at the feet of the captain and mighty crew of that ship. 


Just some of the highlights of this trip that lasted over one and half years. The ship, which actually did have a lot of food stores, became stuck in the ice. Also they brought along a new kind of vitamin briquette that kept their teeth from falling out, and aided their health.



Also I found two very spiritual lines from this book to be quite remarkable. So much so that they could easily fit into the bible somewhere.


The first statement that was deeply moving for me was this. The men credited their salvation to their captain. Fondly telling of his care for them, his leadership and empathy for each one. The captain helped everyone care for each other. Kept them occupied with duties and entertainment, never losing hope in spite of such dire circumstances. 


The second very noteworthy statement was a compliment. After so many months at sea and almost thirty days on Elephant Island their captain showed up with help. A rescue ship, able men, food, blankets and maybe some soap! Shackleton said he received the greatest compliment ever bestowed to him. His men said, “Captain, we knew you’d come for us”! 


His men placed their trust and faith in their captain, they loved him and knew the feeling was mutual. Not because he said so, but because he did so! Put yourself in the shoes or boots of those men on Elephant Island. Waking up every morning subjected to seriously harsh elements, barely surviving frostbite. Can we grasp the mindset here? Not thinking every single day “This truly sucks”. Instead thinking “This could be the day, this actually could be the day that the “Captain of our salvation” sets his foot down on this forsaken island”! 


Let me learn this lesson. When there is little dopamine to be found, we must change our mindset. Can you also put your feet into those boots and feel what must have been felt when the rescue ship came into view? A dopamine shot of all dopamine shots. The value message spoken and heard from their captain during and after this ordeal looked something like this: You are of incredible worth. You are worth any pain. You are worth any hardship. You are worth any sacrifice and any price. Your value is without question. I would give my life for you!


Learn the skill set of coping and problem solving when the environment is harsh. 


Learn the happiness that comes from long-term perseverance and struggle. Not the short-term shot of dopamine.


For more information, do a websearch on “Dopamine Detox”. This is an exercise in awareness and stamina. Just observing how Dopamine affects people is very educational. Detoxing from Dopamine stimulants for a whole day will take a lot of “umph”. Honestly I tried this for half a day once. It was terrible, but substantiated the effect of dopamine on my behaviors and decisions. 

Have you checked your messages? Excerpt from: The Value Message  04/15/22

Messages have always drawn my attention. Earth and humanity emanate communication in so many forms. Earth with its storms and volcanoes, its peaceful sunsets and calming meadows. Humanity with its groanings and turmoil. 


No matter what we do, communication is unavoidable. Silence is a message and often a loud one. We even send a message when we are sleeping. The message is: "I'm sleeping". it's probably just not reaching a lot of people. 


You send and receive hundreds of messages everyday, not including your cell phone. Your smile. Your frown. What you wear. What you eat. What you drink. What you say and how you say it. What you do. Wow, that list is exhausting but not at all complete. Let's face it, you are communicating every second of the day. I’m sure there is a science for “message sending”, it would be called "Messageology". Whatever it is, I'm all about it even if it's sort of a "nerdy" study. 


Observe messages we and others send. Notice if they are directed at the Value Box or Ego Box. With practice this will become second nature to you, mostly because you are just a really cool person!


Let’s not forget the science of “message receiving”. This too is extremely noteworthy. The clearest, loudest message is of no significance if it falls on "deaf ears". Can you relate? Does anyone else find “messaging” an exhilarating study? Are you bored yet?


The message within the message! We are familiar with this sort of idea. Someone tells you something and by their tone or body language you know there is a louder message to be heard. Advertisers are good at this. Whatever they are selling is going to make you look better, feel better, happier and more attractive to the opposite sex. These clever ads convey their messages with images, humor, catchy sayings and big promises! Mothers are professional grade too. Mom asks, “Don’t you think you should wear a coat? Don’t miss the message within the message, which is. “Get a coat on, sooner than later, sweet pea”.


Getting the wrong message.


What disturbs me greatly is the toxic message within the message when people are abused physically, verbally or mentally. The stinging, clinging message is: "You have no value. You are dirty. You are bad. You are not enough. You are worthless. You are an object, a worthless one at that.” We know this list is long. The value message here is: Tragically there is no value message worth mentioning here. These messages can be subtle, but their effects are devastating. At a young age this can be especially confusing. 


Society and Culture do not have a good track record for letting your “little light shine”. Past and present history will tear at your heart strings without digging too deeply. From enslavement to sex trafficking trades that have been both legal and illegal for centuries to genocides and atrocities littering the human timeline.  A deeper dive into the dark corridors of inhumanity will put your emotions on edge, perhaps even leave the body weak and shaking for a while. If you are looking for a message about your value,  do not look here. 


"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me". 


That little rhyme is a test. Do you remember when you realized that words can hurt more than broken bones? Congratulations. You passed the test. You now know, even though they are not tangible, words can be lethal. Move to the head of the class!


Here is part of  another poem to illustrate the power of the tongue.


A careless word may kindle strife,

A cruel word may wreck a life,

A bitter word may hate instill,

A brutal word may smite and kill.


Source: Pearls from Many Seas, T.J. Bach


The message that comes with sticks, stone and broken bones is very straight forward. We may not be clear on the motive, but there is no question about the cruelty and anger. Nothing hidden and no subtle games to figure out. 


The crushing weight of loneliness, shame, humiliation and confusion that other forms of abuse perpetrates is just too heavy to bear. Don't do it! "Don't bear it alone"! Quanada's famous line. (Quanada is a domestic abuse prevention program servicing Quincy Illinois and surrounding area).


Loneliness. Shame. Humiliation. Depression, confusion and hurt. Ouch what a painful list that is. Does this describe you or someone you know? Is this your comfort zone? Is this the predominant message you have been listening to? Have you rationalized your abuse? Telling yourself that maybe it's your fault,  or it could be worse. Are you completely convinced that there is no hope at all? If this is you, I have some really, really good news. Whatever your situation is, it can be different. Whatever your situation is,  you have value. 


If you are in doubt about your value, it's almost impossible to ignore such a dreaded feeling. The feeling varies from subtle to dominating and can smolder for a very long time. We can try to numb or hide our fear about this, but it will not go away. We will always be on the defense, behind the wall we have built. Terrified that someone will discover our filth, thus blanketing us with stifling shame. This feeling of dread is here to stay and will come out another day to "play" I say, unless we begin to see our own value and love the “unlovable”, which could be our own self. 


It is so paramount that you see and understand your value and worth. So much depends on it,  your health,  your sanity and forward motion. You may not know this yet, but forward motion actually does not depend on others seeing our value, that is simply a bonus.

The Perfect Storm! Excerpt from: The Value Message  6/4/22

The Perfect Storm!


Another high achiever on the why you are not amazing list, is: perfectionism. Oh, this hurts just thinking about it! This never achievable goal is responsible for much inward anger and frustration. Perfection is not a maybe or rarely achievable goal, it’s most definitely a never achievable goal. Be clear on this too.


Drop perfection like a smokin’ hot potato! Lots of research and development exists on this topic (Perfection, not hot potatoes), but seriously, make getting over this a priority! Who knows where it starts, but be clear on where it stops! I hereby give you permission to be free from perfectionism and whoever it is you are trying to impress. Feel the release deep in your belly, breath deep and get some rest! The facade of perfectionism will not serve you well. Your perfection is not likely to help anyone, especially you. For the record, I say this with a nice tone of voice and from a place of empathy.  


Our nine year old got a shirt for her birthday, the caption read: Practice Makes Progress! I love it, this specifically is a message created to dismantle the age old saying, practice makes perfect. How often have we chased the dream of practicing long enough and hard enough to be perfect at something? Practice Makes Progress lifts a heavy load. With practice my efforts can now reach something attainable. 


People pleasers may have the biggest challenge with this animal. Always anxious to do what someone else wants us to do, naturally sets us up to be manipulated and unhappy. People pleasing is defined as: our sole purpose is to make others happy. Look at the gold stars you get in school. Every student's name on a chart, if you are good at pleasing people, you get a star. You are a star! Or so you think. We can’t wait to look good and look at who is not so good. Some boy always shows up who could care less about stars and even tries his best to keep them off his neat little row. He’s the carefree happy one most of the time. So at a young age we hear a message about our value. Stars mean I have value, in our minds' eye. Lack of stars means I don’t have value.


Star value can only be applied to the Ego Box! Implying that more stars equals more value should be examined. Can you see the carrot on the stick here? Confusion comes along when our Value Box and Ego Box are not separated. We connect our self worth with the gold stars. 


Over achievers get caught up in this storm also. Whatever you have done or accomplished, it’s not enough. Whoever you are, it’s not enough. If you have heard this message from society and culture, it’s time to throw some awareness into the ring. Be aware of the messages you have been listening to. Ambition is admirable if it’s for the right reason, listen to your inner dialogue. If the driving force for you is because you aren’t good enough, or it’s not perfect, and it’s never perfect or good enough, you need a break. A break from this mindset. 


If you don't become aware of your Value Box, you will picture your worth like the stock market. Up and down! Subject to the whims of the market. The market being the highs and lows of whatever other people will bid for your value. This market driven mentality is stressful and exhausting. When your own stocks are low you can be overwhelmed and depressed. If panic sets in, you'll sell out. You will be vulnerable and apt to do some crazy things in an attempt to inflate your stock price and gain short term approval.


Does this sound all too familiar? Would you consider an alternative? How about getting out of the market altogether? Investments exist with much better returns, I promise.


Invest in yourself, find people who see your worth and value. Lead by example and show people how to treat you. 


Perfection doesn’t have a Value Message, but needs one. One sounding like this: Your value is still intact and we love you, even if you don’t do it perfectly. We even love you with your imperfections.


Six Sisters Stuff.


A few years ago we bought an Instant-Pot. A kitchen appliance, sort of like a Crockpot on steroids. You can cook a whole chicken in twenty five minutes and look like a genius when your company arrives.


Searching YouTube for recipe ideas, I came across the Six Sisters Stuff channel. As you might guess, the contributors are six sisters. Maybe you found this family already. These ladies share recipes and household tips for viewers. They have tons of videos on easy Instant-pot recipes that add spice to your life. Their channel is hugely successful. Most of the videos have millions of views. Why is this channel so outstanding? These girls have got their stuff together, but that’s not it. The food is good but that’s not it. They are all good looking, but that’s not it either. 


The reason the Six Sisters Stuff channel has hundreds of thousands of subscribers is,  they are not perfect. Yes, they live in fancy homes, they know what they are doing, they smile a lot, but clearly they are not trying to be perfect and most importantly they don’t want you to be either. Their gift is putting viewers at complete ease. It’s in the mannerism and wording. They say stuff like, “I do it like this, but you can do it however you want and it will be totally fine. I use chicken broth, but beef broth or water works too, you just do you”. It’s impossible to write on paper the intonations and manner in which people speak. Look this channel up if you can, and see if you agree. Fans don’t feel like they are competing or at all need to have a perfect finished product. You will leave their channel feeling comfortable, empowered and in no way judged even if the chicken burns a little bit. The Value Message here is: It’s not about the chicken, it's  about you and the relationships you develop.